Even Facebook can’t make you popular
So what if you held a party for 700 people and only one person came?
That’s what happened to the author of the “Lives” column of the Oct. 24, 2008 edition of New York Times Magazine (the back page). A self-described loner who worked from home, he had not spent much time with friends or co-workers and had recently fallen out with a close friend. Feeling a little disconnected, he decided to have a party and invite all his Facebook “friends”, totalling more than 700, to a pub near his house.
After a week fifteen people said they’d attend; 60 said maybe.
On the night of the party, one person showed up – a friend of a friend – who’d he’d never met before. No one else came.
This speaks to the question of what really is friendship or companionship on the Web? Are you actually “friends” with someone if twitter on the same topic? If you are, do you then want to hang out together in the same physical space? Are we increasingly feeling more comfortable confessing to each other online in the comfort of our own home, but shy away from actual human contact? And how truly intimate can you be online? Is this one more facet of the loneliness of the human condition?
Or is Facebook just a sucky way to organize a party …
or is this guy just a loser … ?
(This article this post references is about a month old. I’m still catching up on all my reading. 
)
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13 Comments, Comment or Ping
jeffhora
It could be that “Acquaintencebook” just didn’t roll off the tongue when they were brainstorming a name for the site…..
Nov 23rd, 2008
pluyckx
Facebook is a very bad way to organize an event. If he had gone through the effort of actually creating an evite and inviting people with a real invitation, he probably would have had more success.
Also, there’s probably a correlation between how many people are invited and how personal the invitation is.
I’ve noticed that I’m far less likely to accept an evite to an event if there are too many people invited. Not just because I don’t like big crowds, but also because the value of the invitation goes down the more people are invited.
If someone invites 10 people and you’re on the list, you feel flattered.
If they invite 100, you feel like you’re just a name on the list. And your personal importance has dropped ten-fold.
On a bigger level, this points out that what really matters is not just connecting through social media, but translating such connections to real-world impact.
Nov 23rd, 2008
wcw1204
If someone has so many friends on Facebook, that means not many of them are really familiar with the person. In fact, they are not really so-called “friends” in the real world. Thus, who wants to go to a party that the host sends you the invitation, but he doesn’t even reconize you? That may be weird.
Nov 23rd, 2008
mjanisch
I don’t think Facebook is a bad way to organize an event. But when you invite 700 people to a pub, many people are going to think it’s a prank or decline for the reasons Peter mentioned. I would guess the author was aware of the impact of a mass-invite, but he wanted to test the idea of what it means to be “friends” on Facebook (he is a writer, after all).
I checked Facebook, and he now has more than 1,000 friends!
Nov 24th, 2008
Yu-Hsuan
I think Facebook can make you popular on the Facebook, but it doesn’t mean you get commensurate popularity in the real world. Your posts on the Facebook can inform people something but usually only a few people react to your posts.
Actually, every body is not very familiar with each other on Facebook in this case, sometimes I am confused that if I agree to attend some events on the Facebook but after that I changed my mind. Does it mean I am a person who couldn’t keep promise or it is not a big deal because many people do the same thing?
Nov 24th, 2008
jmscott
If you are a self-described “loner,” the odds that you want to hang out with hundreds of people must be very low. Peter’s right, if you want to throw a party there’s a way to do it, and Facebook probably isn’t it. Perhaps his was a subconscious attempt to fail, and remain a loner. Either that or he’s too involved with the digital world and so out of touch with real people that he doesn’t know how to plan a get-together.
Nov 24th, 2008
Aaron Seeley
So if he is a self-described loner, where did he recruit his 700 friends? I wonder how many webs of mutual connections existed within that 700? I would imagine many people were uninterested in the event due to the fear of making that awkward entrance into a party where you don’t “really” know anyone…Imagine approaching an attractive person with, “so…uh…I don’t have any real friends to hang out with tonight, but aren’t we Facebook friends with that one guy?”
Nov 24th, 2008
gzliuzw
From my point of view, I kind of consider social networking site as place to keep up friendship with people I’ve already known or at least met before. So, invited by stranger on facebook? There are two problems: first, I kind of feel intimidated to party with someone I’ve never met before. Second, most importantly, even though I feel okay about hanging out with people I know little, there is no proof on this guy’s credibility, and I’ve no idea whether it is just a trick or a real deal. Anyway, we are still talking about cyber world here, not a real world.
Nov 25th, 2008
yenching
Friendship and companionship on the Web has always been a topic in today’s world. We have a long email list, lots of contact on the AOL or MSN Messenger, and even thousands of friends on Twitter and Facebook. We can get into contact with people on the Web easily, but we still have to maintain the friendship in old days. We spend time chatting with friends, giving comforts to our friends, sharing our lives with each other. Whether we are online or offline, we are always caring about our friends. Although we can get to know lots of people on the Web easily, but we still have to spend time on maintaining the friendship.
Nov 26th, 2008
Brook Ellingwood
Just in time for the holiday shopping season, this thread has led me to a little experimentation in monetizing social media. If a Flip camera is on your shopping list, why not visit my brand new storefront and buy a Flip Social Media Custom? http://www.cafepress.com/mootkat
Thanks to a shared desire on the part of Cafe Press and myself to not be sued, the wording has been changed somewhat…
Nov 26th, 2008
Raquel Hirai
I wonder how this guy actually got 700 Facebook friends… He should be at least a little bit more popular in the real life, but it seems he was not! Other thing: it was not a very smart idea to invite 700 random people… I probably would not go to a party if I only had one acquaintance there and other 699 strangers around…
Nov 26th, 2008
Matthew "Mattso" Stringer
I have over 500 friends in my Friends List on Facebook, and I know each one of them very well… like family. I am very popular and beloved by all. lolz
Now, this is kind of working off of Jeff’s comment, but, you know, I think it’s time that a social network like Facebook came up with variations like “co-worker” or “family member” or “acquaintance”, etc. I mean, yes, they do have a “How do you know this person” feature, which I believe has been getting buried by Facebook for some time, but maybe being able to properly categorize your associations would be useful. Of course, then you might find someone you know becoming offended that you consider them an “acquaintance” rather than a friend.
Nov 28th, 2008
Jui-Lun Hsu
When the online society is getting mature, the online society will be more like the real world. Therefore, people will behave in the same way whether online or offline. Therefore, if you are not a really social person, you will not add new friends randomly, that is, you will add people whom you think your truely friends. What’s more, like Yenching said, you need to take a friend’s responsiblity to accompany and comfort your friends. If we just add new friend at will and without keeping in touch with them, i wonder what the fundamental of these kind of relationships are.
Dec 1st, 2008
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